literature

Love and poison [Eng]

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Literature Text

Izanami and Lilith
The fairy and the witch
The light and the darkness
The love and the poison.

Two women so different and yet so close.
Two women, and two different ways of loving.
Izanami, perfect and unchanging, with an eternal and unconditional love, the kind of love that’s born only once in a lifetime and never dies. A love so simple and pure that it can be called only Love.
Lilith, who fights and is consumed inside, with a greedy and possessive love, who opens her heart to everyone and ends up dying one piece at a time. A love so corrupt and selfish that it can be called only Poison.
Two different loves, who cannot survive on their own.
Two diametrically opposed lives, but united forever in the same destiny.

Because only Lilith can receive an infinite Love.
And only Izanami can endure its Poison.
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Translation of L'amore e il veleno.

Featuring: Lilith and Izanami.


Lilith and Izanami also appeared in my story The forest is silent.
(In case you're wondering, they aren't the homonymous deity).

An introduction (or even better, a "trailer") of what I will write in the future about these two characters.

I have some doubts about my translation, for example if I have correctly used "to consume" in the seventh paragraph, or if is more appropriate "venom" or "poison".


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Kadreshi's avatar
I’ll start this with a formal introduction. Hello, I am Kadreshi from GrammarNaziCritiques, and I will be critiquing this poem as a representative of the group. The following is my critique of this piece:

First, I have been and will always be a big fan of romance in general, and the classic good and evil romance is no exception. Here we have two magical creatures connecting in a way beyond magic. I think the portrayal of love is painted well here. It shows a deep level of devotion and dependence. It leaves a lot to the imagination though.  Personally, I imagine this magical, timeless romance where these two are so completely in love that they link together in a way beyond fathomable perception. These two don’t just have different personality types they are quite literally a completely different species. Their love goes beyond just mere physical intrigue. It goes straight to the heart and is all consuming. I think that was shown beautifully in this poem.

Also, part of me imagines Izanami sacrificing the life she’s known as a fairy to pursue this toxic romance. Perhaps, both in the physical and the emotional sense. I imagine her being willing to give anything to be with Lilith. However, Lilith seems like she’d be unwilling to sacrifice anything. She seems like she would only take and never give. Yet their devotion to each other would keep pulling Izanami toward the dark and guiding Lilith toward the light, but can their devotion be enough to quell Lilith’s dark nature, before Izanami’s light nature gives in?

This poem, though the portrayal of the classic good and evil romance is well done, in my opinion, it is still a classic form of romance, and does little for personalization or originality to set it apart from other romances of this type. Apart from perhaps them being two different magical creatures of the same gender there is not much that makes this a unique romance. Of course, that may be enough for some readers. Personally, I’d like to know a bit more about them as individuals. For example, what lead them to this point. How were their lives before each other? How do they co-exist on a day to day basis?

Now for the technical side, which is where writers often seem to have an issue, in my opinion. However, I think you did pretty well in this aspect. First, to answer your question, I think ‘consumed’ works perfectly. One small thing I want to say is that where it says “ends up dying a piece at a time” I think it should be “ends up dying one piece at a time.” While both work, I think the latter sounds better, but that’s just my opinion. Also, the punctuation seems a bit odd, but I’m not really certain why. So that one is almost certainly just me.

This, though seemingly vague in some regards, is overall a beautiful portrayal of love. It reminds me of a ‘Beauty and the Beast” sort of romance. While it lacks originality, it makes up for it in the impact of such a deep devotion. I have, many times over, said that, “Love is when another person’s happiness becomes your greatest desire.” I see that here, and seeing this could potentially keep hope alive for those still searching for this level of love and commitment. Overall, I think this was pretty well done, and I would be intrigued to learn more of their story.

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